Right now, I’m laying next to a man who has shown me more love in a few months than I’ve experienced my entire life–
and I’m still fighting back tears.
I regret answering the phone and asking the questions I did because this life seems so much shorter now–
and I’m drowning in the fears.
I’ve been so scared of the idea of love and marriage and more babies, but suddenly that isn’t what scares me most–
it’s that it might be taken away from me.
I want the whirlwind romance, the “50 years together,” the little humans that look like a perfect mix of me and my love–
I want to experience every little thing.
How ironic I once tried to take this life, then spent years fighting for this life, just to feel so close to death’s door–
and not know what the outcome will be.
And sure, maybe I’m being dramatic and this is nothing or the next call will ease the tsunami of anxiety inside, but–
Right now I’m so scared death will defeat me.