For as long as I can remember, I have been simultaneously fighting for my life and taking advantage of it all at once.
Once, I tried to take my life. Several times I’ve had to fight others for it. Often I’ve risked death for the thrill of feeling alive (Ironic, huh?).
And now, I’m regretting the fact I never stopped to truly appreciate the life I’ve been given. I never stopped to smell the fucking roses.
I’m angry with God for giving me what feels like yet another battle I don’t want to fight; angry with myself for not living life to the fullest.
There is so much I want to do, to experience, to live for, and maybe I’ll have a long life to do so but knowing I might not is fucking terrifying.
And I know death can happen at any minute to anyone, but knowing an expiration date might be placed on me changes the god damn game.
How do you live a life full of sunshine and rainbows, full of life itself, when you’re aware the final storm might be on the horizon?
2 thoughts on “I’m Just Hoping I’m Jumping To Conclusions…”
I think we all don’t stop to smell the roses enough, even more so when we’re aware that opportunity might be taken away from us. Whatever you’re going through, though, you’ll come out only stronger. Hang in there.
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That is very true. I appreciate your kind comment!