The Secret I’m Keeping Is Eating at Me (Stuck in Limbo)

I had an hour drive to the hospital today;

another day of pokes and prods and tests.

I listened to music without lyrics because

I thought hearing words might make me cry.

I cried regardless.

Honestly, life feels stuck in limbo right now.

Like it doesn’t matter what I say or do;

I might not live to see thirty anyways.

So I took the country road curves as fast as I could,

disregarded the speed limit for what I wanted to do.

After all, how’s a cop gonna hear my reasons

and still give me the goddamn ticket.

I’m a twenty-seven year old single mother,

staring down the barrel of a possible

(most likely) liver cancer diagnosis.

Cancer that spread to my lungs before it was caught, to be exact.

Terminal, with very few surviving five years after the diagnosis.

Will I be part of the lucky 11%?

…

So I drove fifteen over the speed limit

and took the curves in the road fast

and screamed over music without lyrics

because right now my life is hanging in limbo,

entirely out of control,

and I don’t know what else to do.