Why is it that you get to make the “mistake,”
get to disregard the boundaries set,
prioritize yourself with disgusting, selfish desires
and I get to bear the consequences of you actions.
I get to stare at myself in the mirror, comparing,
criticizing everything about me that I started to love,
repeating words you wrote out in my head like a movie script,
terrorizing myself with empty days and sleepless nights.
I get to doubt every promise you’ve ever made to me,
question all the trust I ever gave to you,
and reminisce on two years of a love we’ll never get back to.
“I don’t want to lose a piece of you to this.”
“I don’t want you to doubt my love for you.”
“I don’t want to lose you or your love for me.”
Well, now, that wasn’t a concern before you were caught, was it?
Only after you watched as it shattered my heart.
And I get to bear the consequences of your actions,
without reaping any of the dopamine it gave you.
That you felt I couldn’t give you.
How fucking fair is that?