First Place

Sometimes, I think of the reality; of how I might one day be the "Gone too soon" woman. The "She will be missed" mother. The "I wish I would've known" friend. And what scares me most is that it's even a reality in the first place.

Sink Not Swim

Swim in the sad, hold your breath, see how far you sink before the air leaves you too; miserable bitch.

I Think I Cried Wolf One Too Many Times

It feels like I'm reaching out, grasping at everything I touch, begging everyone to stick around no matter how much they're hurting me. (Or maybe I'm hurting them.) I feel manic in my head, total mess, unhinged or unglued at the core, just begging the lights inside my skull to turn off so I can … Continue reading I Think I Cried Wolf One Too Many Times →

More Than

I want you to care about me in more than words and societal norms and expectations. I want you to wrap your arms around my waist, my heart, my soul; tell me all the ways I make life loveable and curious and safe and whole. I want you to understand me, my past, my present, … Continue reading More Than →

Opaque

Sometimes I feel like I live in a glass house with opaque walls. From a distance, it's just a blur of whatever this house contains, But come closer and you'll make out what's happening inside. My life is both hidden in plain view and vividly on display. I both hate it and beg for the … Continue reading Opaque →

Overthinker

[Repost from January 2021] Image courtesy of Mitch Martinez It's thick in my head; the smoke of insecurity. Little fires of doubt and ashes of over thought, they're scattered around and almost always in action. I pretend the fires are out, say I'm all out of doubt; I'm not as tough as I seem. I'm … Continue reading Overthinker →

Traumemory

Shh... Quiet your mind. Inner peace is so hard to find. Feel the feelings, think the thoughts, and hope by morning you've forgot where mouths have been and hands have hit, how loud your head is when you sit and think all those traumatic thoughts. Just hope come sunrise you've forgot.

Aglow

Words spark wildfires inside my mind and trail through the fibers of my soul. I don't bother to address the flames, as I know I am not equipped to handle such a blaze. Inside I sit in the thick of it, engulfed by red and orange light that sears my happiness. To you it's mere … Continue reading Aglow →

Inevitable Change

Stay forever, because I'm quite certain I would die without you.

Burn The Pages

I sit with a zippo in my hands, lit, dancing against the pages of a paperback novel I hesitated to write. Flame licks worn page corners, begs to devour the stories inside, and I don't hesitate to allow it's feast. Inferno engulfs, delighted by the memoir; allows me to watch the burn as singed words … Continue reading Burn The Pages →