It feels like I'm reaching out, grasping at everything I touch, begging everyone to stick around no matter how much they're hurting me. (Or maybe I'm hurting them.) I feel manic in my head, total mess, unhinged or unglued at the core, just begging the lights inside my skull to turn off so I can … Continue reading I Think I Cried Wolf One Too Many Times
I'm mad at God right now. Or maybe He's mad at me, cause its been pretty fucking silent on the other side for quite some time. I got in my car, drove for hours last night, screamed at Him until my voice gave out and then cried out noises that broke my own heart. Why … Continue reading Faithless
Maybe, just maybe, I am not meant for a world like this; where gravity pulls up my broken pieces, exposes me to the dangers that exist here. Maybe I am too broken to exist.
I'm pretty insecure, not that much is new there. Be it the past relationships or the dislike for the body I'm in, I'm struggling to see my worth. (Or if I even have any...) Regardless, I feel pretty inadequate and I know the steps to change it, the time it takes to change, but I'm … Continue reading Could You Please Keep Your Eyes Off All The Other Girls? Thanks.
I'm wired wrong, but I don't know how to fix the short circuits. I tried to reroute the wires, manage the cables better, install new software, bypass the problem altogether. Still, the connections are not being made and I'm left faulty and fearful. What if I cannot fix the error? Will I be loved? Cherished? … Continue reading Faulty
I'm tired. Tired of fighting, tired of feeling, tired of failing. Seems like all I do lately is fail. Fail to let people in, fail to keep sadness out, fail to pull myself together. I keep blaming it on uncertainty. Uncertainty of life, uncertainty of love, uncertainty of worth. Maybe it's really my refusal to … Continue reading Inner Battle
Be careful of your words, and the attitude behind them. Sometimes failure to be mindful can result in perceptions changing. I'd hate to view you in another light.
I felt the sadness creeping in, tried to distract myself with counting the raindrops falling outside my living room window, but I couldn't find my focus. Have you ever tried to focus on a single raindrop in a thunderstorm? What was meant to be a distraction, became the catalyst for sadness because I realized I … Continue reading Raindrop
Sometimes I talk too much. I'm aware that I do. I go off on tangents that feel related to the topic, or maybe they take me down memory lane and don't relate at all. I get excited and want to share all the little details, thinking it paints a better picture for the listener. Sometimes, … Continue reading It Hurts When You Steal The Light From My Eyes [Please Just Listen]
I'm really struggling and I don't know why. Wait a minute. That's a lie. I know exactly what's been weighing me down. I'm just not sure how to talk about it-- or if I really want to. I tried to reach out to loved ones yesterday, when my mind felt manic and my chest physically … Continue reading Dashes (Another Day, Another Struggle)