Inner Battle

I'm tired. Tired of fighting, tired of feeling, tired of failing. Seems like all I do lately is fail. Fail to let people in, fail to keep sadness out, fail to pull myself together. I keep blaming it on uncertainty. Uncertainty of life, uncertainty of love, uncertainty of worth. Maybe it's really my refusal to … Continue reading Inner Battle →

Raindrop

I felt the sadness creeping in, tried to distract myself with counting the raindrops falling outside my living room window, but I couldn't find my focus. Have you ever tried to focus on a single raindrop in a thunderstorm? What was meant to be a distraction, became the catalyst for sadness because I realized I … Continue reading Raindrop →

If You Love Someone With Severe Anxiety, Maybe You Should Read This.

I want you to close your eyes. Imagine it's nighttime on a warm summer night and you're standing in the middle of a four-way stop. A streetlight nearby illuminates the area around you just enough to see you're in a quiet residential area. There isn't a car, or person, or animal in sight. You're alone … Continue reading If You Love Someone With Severe Anxiety, Maybe You Should Read This. →

The Secret I’m Keeping Is Eating at Me (Stuck in Limbo)

I had an hour drive to the hospital today; another day of pokes and prods and tests. I listened to music without lyrics because I thought hearing words might make me cry. I cried regardless. Honestly, life feels stuck in limbo right now. Like it doesn't matter what I say or do; I might not … Continue reading The Secret I’m Keeping Is Eating at Me (Stuck in Limbo) →

I’m Just Hoping I’m Jumping To Conclusions…

For as long as I can remember, I have been simultaneously fighting for my life and taking advantage of it all at once. Once, I tried to take my life. Several times I've had to fight others for it. Often I've risked death for the thrill of feeling alive (Ironic, huh?). And now, I'm regretting … Continue reading I’m Just Hoping I’m Jumping To Conclusions… →

One Phone Call and Suddenly My Life Is So Fragile

Right now, I'm laying next to a man who has shown me more love in a few months than I've experienced my entire life-- and I'm still fighting back tears. I regret answering the phone and asking the questions I did because this life seems so much shorter now-- and I'm drowning in the fears. … Continue reading One Phone Call and Suddenly My Life Is So Fragile →

Sunlit Scars

The decade old scars on my wrist glow in the summer sunlight, and I can't help but think of that night. I was so young, so heartbroken; so sure life was no longer worth living, and I should just give up the fight. Over ten years later and I wish I could go back and … Continue reading Sunlit Scars →

Tidal Waves and Depression

I am the tide coming into shore; barreling towards the end, no escape in sight. I've already seen so much in my life, and I'm not ready to leave this ocean, but still I see no way to run. I am the tide coming into shore, watching and waiting until I am no more.

Self Hatred and an Oversized Tee

I'm fragile, insecure; told to love myself by a society that has taught me not one part of me is truly loveable. Throw in the men who came and reiterated the narrative perpetuated by fashion magazines and filtered Instagram models, and most days I just feel hate when I look in the mirror. So I … Continue reading Self Hatred and an Oversized Tee →

Majority Letdown

A male coworker gets in the elevator with me and immediately, I tense up. I know what you're thinking. Not all men are bad. You don't need to worry. And I don't disagree; not all are bad. But how am I to judge who is safe? I didn't think my male friends were unsafe, until … Continue reading Majority Letdown →