One Week Later, and I’m a Mess

Why is it that you get to make the "mistake," get to disregard the boundaries set, prioritize yourself with disgusting, selfish desires and I get to bear the consequences of you actions. I get to stare at myself in the mirror, comparing, criticizing everything about me that I started to love, repeating words you wrote … Continue reading One Week Later, and I’m a Mess →

Opaque

[Repost] Sometimes I feel like I live in a glass house with opaque walls. From a distance, it's just a blur of whatever this house contains, But come closer and you'll make out what's happening inside. My life is both hidden in plain view and vividly on display. I both hate it and beg for … Continue reading Opaque →

The Nightmare Doesn’t Fucking Stop

I have this recurring nightmare. It's the same dream over and over again. You're no where to be found and after the panic sets in I realize that's how you want it to be. You've left, cut off contact, disappeared. I wake up at the part where I finally get it, only to fall back … Continue reading The Nightmare Doesn’t Fucking Stop →

First Place

Sometimes, I think of the reality; of how I might one day be the "Gone too soon" woman. The "She will be missed" mother. The "I wish I would've known" friend. And what scares me most is that it's even a reality in the first place.

I Think I Cried Wolf One Too Many Times

It feels like I'm reaching out, grasping at everything I touch, begging everyone to stick around no matter how much they're hurting me. (Or maybe I'm hurting them.) I feel manic in my head, total mess, unhinged or unglued at the core, just begging the lights inside my skull to turn off so I can … Continue reading I Think I Cried Wolf One Too Many Times →

Overthinker

[Repost from January 2021] Image courtesy of Mitch Martinez It's thick in my head; the smoke of insecurity. Little fires of doubt and ashes of over thought, they're scattered around and almost always in action. I pretend the fires are out, say I'm all out of doubt; I'm not as tough as I seem. I'm … Continue reading Overthinker →

Faithless

I'm mad at God right now. Or maybe He's mad at me, cause its been pretty fucking silent on the other side for quite some time. I got in my car, drove for hours last night, screamed at Him until my voice gave out and then cried out noises that broke my own heart. Why … Continue reading Faithless →

Traumemory

Shh... Quiet your mind. Inner peace is so hard to find. Feel the feelings, think the thoughts, and hope by morning you've forgot where mouths have been and hands have hit, how loud your head is when you sit and think all those traumatic thoughts. Just hope come sunrise you've forgot.

Aglow

Words spark wildfires inside my mind and trail through the fibers of my soul. I don't bother to address the flames, as I know I am not equipped to handle such a blaze. Inside I sit in the thick of it, engulfed by red and orange light that sears my happiness. To you it's mere … Continue reading Aglow →

Love Doesn’t Make Me Forget

Sad doesn't even describe it, when the neat little lines designed to make me feel fail to make me feel anything. Maybe this is depression or maybe just heartbreak. I don't know anymore. All I know is that the words that stung the most left the mouths of those who claim to love me. And … Continue reading Love Doesn’t Make Me Forget →