I Think I Cried Wolf One Too Many Times

It feels like I'm reaching out, grasping at everything I touch, begging everyone to stick around no matter how much they're hurting me. (Or maybe I'm hurting them.) I feel manic in my head, total mess, unhinged or unglued at the core, just begging the lights inside my skull to turn off so I can … Continue reading I Think I Cried Wolf One Too Many Times →

Value in the Violence

I'm different because of you. I used to think it was a curse; a defect in the aftermath of us. I convinced myself it made me weak to be damaged by your time in my life. Don't get me wrong, if I could I would change how I jump at sounds and how I wake … Continue reading Value in the Violence →

Faithless

I'm mad at God right now. Or maybe He's mad at me, cause its been pretty fucking silent on the other side for quite some time. I got in my car, drove for hours last night, screamed at Him until my voice gave out and then cried out noises that broke my own heart. Why … Continue reading Faithless →

Traumemory

Shh... Quiet your mind. Inner peace is so hard to find. Feel the feelings, think the thoughts, and hope by morning you've forgot where mouths have been and hands have hit, how loud your head is when you sit and think all those traumatic thoughts. Just hope come sunrise you've forgot.

Love Doesn’t Make Me Forget

Sad doesn't even describe it, when the neat little lines designed to make me feel fail to make me feel anything. Maybe this is depression or maybe just heartbreak. I don't know anymore. All I know is that the words that stung the most left the mouths of those who claim to love me. And … Continue reading Love Doesn’t Make Me Forget →

God, Does the Truth Fucking Hurt

"Well, obviously I find them attractive." I know I asked the question, but I didn't expect that to be your answer. I will never get those words out of my head. I guess you do get what you ask for.

Sorry for the Silence

We fought about my insecurities and you made the comment, "You're just going to keep bringing this up, so why finish the conversation?" And I've been lost in my head ever since, obsessing over the issue and noticing little things that make me wonder, why would he do that? But I can't say anything to … Continue reading Sorry for the Silence →

Burn The Pages

I sit with a zippo in my hands, lit, dancing against the pages of a paperback novel I hesitated to write. Flame licks worn page corners, begs to devour the stories inside, and I don't hesitate to allow it's feast. Inferno engulfs, delighted by the memoir; allows me to watch the burn as singed words … Continue reading Burn The Pages →

Visionary

Color me vivid, with pinks to represent the strong and blues to represent the dainty and green to represent the growth. Color me creative, with black to represent the integrity and white to represent the purity, and orange to represent the fire inside. Color me complete, with yellow to represent the positive, and red to … Continue reading Visionary →

Everything Feels Uncertain Lately, and I Effing Hate It

I have so many questions, some I've asked, and yet no answers to satisfy me. Now all I'm left with is hesitancy, a touch of confusion, and heightened insecurities. I know... It's all "crazy" to you, but I'm still hurt-- shouldn't that matter more? I forgot communication is only key, when it's not acknowledging; our … Continue reading Everything Feels Uncertain Lately, and I Effing Hate It →