Blackout

There's no words inside my head to write about, but anxiety still makes my hands shake, still makes my stomach twist into knots; How is it possible that I'm at a loss of words while in a world full of feelings?

Careful, Cautious

I can be your best friend, or your soul mate, or your lover. I can encourage you, and support you, and care about you. But I cannot be your escape, your distraction, your weekend getaway. I don't want to be the one who fills the void, who takes on your burdens, who helps you get … Continue reading Careful, Cautious →

A lifetime of You Just Isn’t Enough

I wish I'd known you years ago. I wish we'd bumped into each other by chance, gained a few more years of loving each other, before the obstacles that face us today appeared. I always say we met exactly when we were meant to, but it doesn't change the feeling that I need more... time. … Continue reading A lifetime of You Just Isn’t Enough →

I’m Just Hoping I’m Jumping To Conclusions…

For as long as I can remember, I have been simultaneously fighting for my life and taking advantage of it all at once. Once, I tried to take my life. Several times I've had to fight others for it. Often I've risked death for the thrill of feeling alive (Ironic, huh?). And now, I'm regretting … Continue reading I’m Just Hoping I’m Jumping To Conclusions… →

The Heat of Chaos

[Repost from September 2nd, 2020] A flashback to the final night. July 2019: I am not okay. I am a total mess back on the floor of a home that has been drenched in lighter fluid and intentionally set on fire. The walls are hot with flame, the linoleum is melting under me, but I … Continue reading The Heat of Chaos →

I’ll Love You Until The Sun Dies

I was so hell bent on keeping walls and locking doors, convinced of how my life would and should look, I almost missed out on you. I'm still unsure how you managed to break in, but I will be forever grateful for you and the plot twist you became. Is it cliché to say life … Continue reading I’ll Love You Until The Sun Dies →

Good Men Keep Their Eyes Where They Belong

You're so worried about who he's talking to, who he's looking at, if he's cheating on you. Honey, you're thinking wasted thoughts. You're a catch, a ten, a total fucking babe. Look at you. He's the one who should be worried. And if his eyes are wandering, fuck him. If he's talking to other women, … Continue reading Good Men Keep Their Eyes Where They Belong →

Self Hatred and an Oversized Tee

I'm fragile, insecure; told to love myself by a society that has taught me not one part of me is truly loveable. Throw in the men who came and reiterated the narrative perpetuated by fashion magazines and filtered Instagram models, and most days I just feel hate when I look in the mirror. So I … Continue reading Self Hatred and an Oversized Tee →

I Wish You Could Just Stay

It's an usually warm spring day and the sun is out. You lift my hand up to your mouth and gently kiss the back of it, something that's become habit and yet still stirs up butterflies in me. I've had you by my side for almost three days; like always it's not enough time with … Continue reading I Wish You Could Just Stay →

The Thunderstorm Cannot Break Me

They say the odds of being struck by lightning twice are in the millions, but it seems like lightning keeps finding me just fine; in the bedroom of a boy I thought I knew, in the arms of a man I thought I could trust, in my own bedroom where I once felt safe. Everywhere … Continue reading The Thunderstorm Cannot Break Me →