I have this recurring nightmare. It's the same dream over and over again. You're no where to be found and after the panic sets in I realize that's how you want it to be. You've left, cut off contact, disappeared. I wake up at the part where I finally get it, only to fall back … Continue reading The Nightmare Doesn’t Fucking Stop
Words, Phrases, and an Inability to Understand
"I hope you don't look back on this moment, and wish it had stayed the same as the first two years." "I don't want to lose a piece of you because of this." "I can't imagine going one day without you. I can't lose you." "I don't want to lose your trust, your heart, your … Continue reading Words, Phrases, and an Inability to Understand
I can be your best friend, or your soul mate, or your lover. I can encourage you, and support you, and care about you. But I cannot be your escape, your distraction, your weekend getaway. I don't want to be the one who fills the void, who takes on your burdens, who helps you get … Continue reading Careful, Cautious
Sorry for the Silence
We fought about my insecurities and you made the comment, "You're just going to keep bringing this up, so why finish the conversation?" And I've been lost in my head ever since, obsessing over the issue and noticing little things that make me wonder, why would he do that? But I can't say anything to … Continue reading Sorry for the Silence
I'm wired wrong, but I don't know how to fix the short circuits. I tried to reroute the wires, manage the cables better, install new software, bypass the problem altogether. Still, the connections are not being made and I'm left faulty and fearful. What if I cannot fix the error? Will I be loved? Cherished? … Continue reading Faulty
If You Love Someone With Severe Anxiety, Maybe You Should Read This.
I want you to close your eyes. Imagine it's nighttime on a warm summer night and you're standing in the middle of a four-way stop. A streetlight nearby illuminates the area around you just enough to see you're in a quiet residential area. There isn't a car, or person, or animal in sight. You're alone … Continue reading If You Love Someone With Severe Anxiety, Maybe You Should Read This.
This is Why Overthinkers Shouldn’t Be Up at 1 A.M.
I think I've done that thing again; where I break my own damn heart, searching for "A-ha!" moments, and ruminating on painful thoughts. Is this an In-My-Head thing? Or a red flag? I'm just not sure where to go from here...
Maybe I’m a Little in My Feels
When I met you, I suddenly wanted more. Like a switch flipped and I wanted the just-because flowers, and the forehead kisses, and the late night phone calls, and the hand holding, and even the idea of slow dancing in the kitchen of my apartment. Now, I crave the present and the future and the … Continue reading Maybe I’m a Little in My Feels
I found peace in the arms of a man who carefully wrapped himself around me, kissed the top of my head and whispered, "I'm so lucky to have you, baby." Should I ever lose his presence, that moment sparked something in me. I'm not longer a small ember, but a whole damn forest fire.
Can You Tell Me This Is Real?
I'm scared I'll lose you before I ever get you in my arms, and I don't know how to work through that. You tell me I'm everything you've ever wanted, but what if I say the wrong thing and you decide I'm not? How do I process losing someone I never got the chance to … Continue reading Can You Tell Me This Is Real?