I think I've done that thing again; where I break my own damn heart, searching for "A-ha!" moments, and ruminating on painful thoughts. Is this an In-My-Head thing? Or a red flag? I'm just not sure where to go from here...
Tag: this is anxiety
Why Am I Like This?
The sun is out, and I was happy, but then I got inside my head and now I'm feeling feelings that I don't want to feel. The shower is on, and I hesitate to get in, because I know where my head is and I don't wanna drag ugly lines across my delicate skin. The … Continue reading Why Am I Like This?
Apathetic
The sunlight pours over my skin, but I don't feel it's warmth. I think I'll blame this feeling on the status of my heart.
Tell Me to Talk, Because I Need to
I tried to cry out for help, but there were still hands around my throat. I just wanted someone to care; to wrap me in their arms, to kiss my forehead, to say, "Tell me all about it, babe." I've kept my history hidden for so long, I just wanted someone to care to hear … Continue reading Tell Me to Talk, Because I Need to
Can You Tell Me This Is Real?
I'm scared I'll lose you before I ever get you in my arms, and I don't know how to work through that. You tell me I'm everything you've ever wanted, but what if I say the wrong thing and you decide I'm not? How do I process losing someone I never got the chance to … Continue reading Can You Tell Me This Is Real?
Exhaling You
I tried to hold on to you, despite all the tears you'd caused me, because I was told what we had was love. I tried to wrap you in silk, tuck you into the safest corner of my heart, but you were carbon dioxide and I craved oxygen. I needed to let you go. I … Continue reading Exhaling You
Cherry Red
Cherry red lines lined along porcelain. Glides over delicate, leaves a stain. The internal is external now. The body betrayed, mind asks how. A two year hiatus thrown away. But she was doing okay. (She wasn’t doing okay.)
[Over]think
I live inside my head. I don't mean to, and I definitely don't want to. I'd rather live in reality instead. Do you know what it's like to overthink? It feels like you're under a turbulent sea of thoughts and memories and fears, and all you can seem to do is sink. People tell me … Continue reading [Over]think
Cycle
The alcohol burns my throat as it goes down, signs the drink should ease the pain soon. Songs with subtle piano fill the holes in my chest, tug at the strings that cling to my tattered heart. I let the melody serenade me as I sink lower, into a bathtub full of scorched water and … Continue reading Cycle
Fire & Female 