The words I've left unsaid because I was too afraid of hurting another's feelings or rocking the boat I was in, slip past my lips, spill into the pitch black of night, and haunt me in my sleep. Oh, how I regret being kind when I should've been honest.
Tag: toxic
Nine Months Later
Midnight is approaching, and I'm here thinking about you. I wish I wasn't. I hate that I still am, and that it's been nine months now. I can't help but wonder if you're happy, if I ever cross your mind, and why I wasn't enough. I'll never understand what happened to us, but I'll miss … Continue reading Nine Months Later
Whirlwind
You were full of highs and lows, and I pretended that I didn't mind, but the truth is you made me dizzy with your constant changes. I was good before I found you. Then you came in like a whirlwind of excitement and sex and pretty words I was so desperate to hear. I ignored … Continue reading Whirlwind
Fraud
I'm standing in a walk-in shower with the water on, just begging every droplet of water to get hotter and sear the trauma off of my fragile, porcelain skin. It doesn't, though. I stare through the curtain of water and steam that's filling the room, but my focus isn't on anything in particular. Instead I'm … Continue reading Fraud
Reckless
You leave a path of destruction everywhere you go, and I'm convinced you do not care. Its reckless how you jump from bed to bed and heart to heart without hesitation, all while telling your sad sob stories and charming with perfectly placed words. I should have known your intentions, but I was captivated by … Continue reading Reckless
Faithless
I'm mad at God right now. Or maybe He's mad at me, cause its been pretty fucking silent on the other side for quite some time. I got in my car, drove for hours last night, screamed at Him until my voice gave out and then cried out noises that broke my own heart. Why … Continue reading Faithless
Ash & Smoke
I stopped fighting for you. I quit chasing you around, trying to get you to just see me. I quit attempting to create beauty out of the ashes of your broken promises, and the smoke of empty commitments. I took a step back, finally saw the whole picture, and you had the audacity to ask … Continue reading Ash & Smoke
Dream You
I saw you in my dreams last night. I tried to stay asleep. I finally got the you I've always wanted; the you I never got. You said all the right things to me, and held me in your arms so tight. We were so fucking happy, and you looked so in love. I tried … Continue reading Dream You
The Heat of Chaos
A flashback to the final night. July 2019: I am not okay. I am a total mess back on the floor of a home that has been drenched in lighter fluid and intentionally set on fire. The walls are hot with flame, the linoleum is melting under me, but I remain curled up on the … Continue reading The Heat of Chaos
The Sea I Am:
Image courtesy of AraNaja See me as the sea I am, not the wave you've encountered. I am not a hurdle for you to get over, or another obstacle you can conquer. I'm not a distraction from previous waters, nor am I a passage to another body. I am all the waves, all the currents, … Continue reading The Sea I Am:
Fire & Female 