Big blue eyes stare up at me, curious,
and little arms wrap themselves around me;
a little mouth asks me if I’m okay.
The wave of saltwater tears begs for escape,
the weight in my stomach sinks deeper,
the thoughts tell me I’m failing her.
No child should wonder why mom is sad.
I press my fingers against my palm, hard,
and swallow the lump in my throat,
reassure her mom is happy with a forced smile.
Thankfully, children don’t think heavy thoughs.
She accepts my words with a squeeze of my waist,
lets go to bounce down the hallway to her room.
Stability is all she knows now,
and she has no reason to question it.
It’s in that moment that I’m alone again,
aware adult choices have consequences for kids,
but the choices aren’t mine to make.
I just don’t want her to watch me break again.
Fire & Female 