Low; but is that really what I am? Feels more like heavy, under, nonexistent. Feels like the stars don't know how to align, like the sun and moon don't know how to orbit, link the universe has excluded me from its center. Low; but that's not really what I am. There's no name for the … Continue reading Another Friday
Swim in the sad, hold your breath, see how far you sink before the air leaves you too; miserable bitch.
Took a moment but the sad found me again. I don't know why I thought a new address, new home, new career, new anything would change things. After all, I'm still the same old me. Give me a moment while I readjust to the familiar.
My heart is heavy, and my soul is tired. When do I get a chance to breathe?
It feels like I'm reaching out, grasping at everything I touch, begging everyone to stick around no matter how much they're hurting me. (Or maybe I'm hurting them.) I feel manic in my head, total mess, unhinged or unglued at the core, just begging the lights inside my skull to turn off so I can … Continue reading I Think I Cried Wolf One Too Many Times
I want you to care about me in more than words and societal norms and expectations. I want you to wrap your arms around my waist, my heart, my soul; tell me all the ways I make life loveable and curious and safe and whole. I want you to understand me, my past, my present, … Continue reading More Than
I can be your best friend, or your soul mate, or your lover. I can encourage you, and support you, and care about you. But I cannot be your escape, your distraction, your weekend getaway. I don't want to be the one who fills the void, who takes on your burdens, who helps you get … Continue reading Careful, Cautious
Sometimes I feel like I live in a glass house with opaque walls. From a distance, it's just a blur of whatever this house contains, But come closer and you'll make out what's happening inside. My life is both hidden in plain view and vividly on display. I both hate it and beg for the … Continue reading Opaque
I just wanted to enjoy you a little longer. I wanted to carry you to the very end. I wanted a reminder that all is good, at a time when all feels so very, very bad. And yet, I'm still lying in this bed, avoiding the mountain of what I need to do, while bleeding … Continue reading Little
[Repost from January 2021] Image courtesy of Mitch Martinez It's thick in my head; the smoke of insecurity. Little fires of doubt and ashes of over thought, they're scattered around and almost always in action. I pretend the fires are out, say I'm all out of doubt; I'm not as tough as I seem. I'm … Continue reading Overthinker