Smaller

The thoughts consume me, maybe I'll just wither away. If I make myself smaller, is there no room for pain? Rain clouds hide the sunshine, hide the reasons left to smile. If I make myself smaller, will they stay for awhile? Words sound so violent, and love feels closed off. If I make myself smaller, … Continue reading Smaller →

Figment

Somedays the ghost of you is heavy with anger, hellbent on replaying all the darkest moments, designed to remind me that my self worth once rested solely on your broken promises. Other days, you exist in my head as if you were just a storybook character, more jester than evil king; a figment, an illusion … Continue reading Figment →

Little Devil on my Shoulder

I'm struggling today; bad head space. I can't find a way out of the empty homes I built inside hollowed bones of the souls that never saw my value. And I'm left in the aftermath, trapped in a past that doesn't serve me well, reminiscing on violent hands and "Everything I do is because I … Continue reading Little Devil on my Shoulder →

Rewind.

Flashbacks feel like playbacks of the same damn videos; heartbreaking memories of daddy and mommy fighting, red and blue police lights, bullies on the playground, pretend friends sharing secrets, adult games at a young age, men who do not know what no means, men who say love is violence, mothers who let you down. Always … Continue reading Rewind. →

Tattered.

Broken people have an uncanny ability to fill the holes left in their souls with the cruelest words, thrown at them by those who never loved them in the first place.

Affirmation

Quit blaming yourself. There. I said it. Stop. Quit assuming responsibility for choices someone else made. There's no amount of love you could give to prevent selfish people from loving you wrong. The problem isn't yours to solve.

To Dream of Being Desired

I've spent years wondering why I always feel like I'm replaceable, just another body in a crowd of desirables; I think I finally figured it out. I've been so busy catering to those eager to use me I've misplaced the value in myself. I think I'm ready to move on now.

Impulsive

Be careful writing love poems with only him in mind at times when the love feels unbreakable. It will crush you when you find out it is anything but.

Dysfunctional

Somewhere inside me is a small seven year old girl who didn't understand what was going on but understood flashing red and blue lights meant keeping it together and staying quiet. I wonder if she knows it's okay to breathe now.

Blackout

There's no words inside my head to write about, but anxiety still makes my hands shake, still makes my stomach twist into knots; How is it possible that I'm at a loss of words when it feels like I have so much left to say?