No Longer A Home

I was so excited to call this new place our home, to create memories and grow our family, to look back to this place and know it brought us peace. This place is no longer my happy place, and I no longer look forward to the drive home. Instead, I find excuses to be anywhere … Continue reading No Longer A Home →

Opaque

[Repost] Sometimes I feel like I live in a glass house with opaque walls. From a distance, it's just a blur of whatever this house contains, But come closer and you'll make out what's happening inside. My life is both hidden in plain view and vividly on display. I both hate it and beg for … Continue reading Opaque →

The Nightmare Doesn’t Fucking Stop

I have this recurring nightmare. It's the same dream over and over again. You're no where to be found and after the panic sets in I realize that's how you want it to be. You've left, cut off contact, disappeared. I wake up at the part where I finally get it, only to fall back … Continue reading The Nightmare Doesn’t Fucking Stop →

Without

I can't get the music loud enough to drown out the sound. I can't get the air clean enough for me to just breathe. I can't fill the hole fast enough to feel something other than numb. I can't feel anything anymore.

Drive

Everyday, I drive by the swollen river and just wonder... Because all I hear are the voices of those, current and past, who made a point that I'm not good enough to "win" the argument. It's getting harder to not test the boundaries, to jump on in and prove I can't swim.

Songs

Not writing much anymore. Sad days, no inspiration. Just a void I'm trying to fill With thoughts and songs and written words. The void is still a void, though. I'm beginning to understand why artists die young.

First Place

Sometimes, I think of the reality; of how I might one day be the "Gone too soon" woman. The "She will be missed" mother. The "I wish I would've known" friend. And what scares me most is that it's even a reality in the first place.

Another Friday

Low; but is that really what I am? Feels more like heavy, under, nonexistent. Feels like the stars don't know how to align, like the sun and moon don't know how to orbit, link the universe has excluded me from its center. Low; but that's not really what I am. There's no name for the … Continue reading Another Friday →

Sink Not Swim

Swim in the sad, hold your breath, see how far you sink before the air leaves you too; miserable bitch.

No Such Thing As New

Took a moment but the sad found me again. I don't know why I thought a new address, new home, new career, new anything would change things. After all, I'm still the same old me. Give me a moment while I readjust to the familiar.