Blackout

There's no words inside my head to write about, but anxiety still makes my hands shake, still makes my stomach twist into knots; How is it possible that I'm at a loss of words when it feels like I have so much left to say?

Overthinker

[Repost from January 2021] Image courtesy of Mitch Martinez It's thick in my head; the smoke of insecurity. Little fires of doubt and ashes of over thought, they're scattered around and almost always in action. I pretend the fires are out, say I'm all out of doubt; I'm not as tough as I seem. I'm … Continue reading Overthinker →

Value in the Violence

I'm different because of you. I used to think it was a curse; a defect in the aftermath of us. I convinced myself it made me weak to be damaged by your time in my life. Don't get me wrong, if I could I would change how I jump at sounds and how I wake … Continue reading Value in the Violence →

Faithless

I'm mad at God right now. Or maybe He's mad at me, cause its been pretty fucking silent on the other side for quite some time. I got in my car, drove for hours last night, screamed at Him until my voice gave out and then cried out noises that broke my own heart. Why … Continue reading Faithless →

Traumemory

Shh... Quiet your mind. Inner peace is so hard to find. Feel the feelings, think the thoughts, and hope by morning you've forgot where mouths have been and hands have hit, how loud your head is when you sit and think all those traumatic thoughts. Just hope come sunrise you've forgot.

Sorry for the Silence

We fought about my insecurities and you made the comment, "You're just going to keep bringing this up, so why finish the conversation?" And I've been lost in my head ever since, obsessing over the issue and noticing little things that make me wonder, why would he do that? But I can't say anything to … Continue reading Sorry for the Silence →

Burn The Pages

I sit with a zippo in my hands, lit, dancing against the pages of a paperback novel I hesitated to write. Flame licks worn page corners, begs to devour the stories inside, and I don't hesitate to allow it's feast. Inferno engulfs, delighted by the memoir; allows me to watch the burn as singed words … Continue reading Burn The Pages →

The Little Voice in My Head Says I’m Losing You

You've been so distant lately, and I'm not sure what to do. You say it's not us, not me, but I don't quite believe you. If you're so happy with me... ...then why do you look so sad? And it's driving me to look; look for the problem, look for answers. I'm only finding things … Continue reading The Little Voice in My Head Says I’m Losing You →

City Name

I watched as you tore me apart, then watched as you fell apart, and not once did I hesitate to put you first. All those hurtful comments, the mocking faces and waving hands, it didn't matter the moment I saw you were in pain. I pulled you into my arms, I held you as tight … Continue reading City Name →

I Didn’t Recognize the Man Before Me

Red leather booth. Teary-eyed girl. Angry man. Restaurant packed. Tears spilled. Face flushed with embarrassment. Half-hearted apologies. Hurtful comments. Mixed messages. Unrecognizable. Unbearable. Uncertain. Panicked mind. Racing heart. Fight or flight mode. Name calling. No love. No care. Please stop. Please stay. Please leave. Make up. Forget about it. No conversation. Heart shattered. Memory tainted. … Continue reading I Didn’t Recognize the Man Before Me →