The sun is out, and I was happy, but then I got inside my head and now I'm feeling feelings that I don't want to feel. The shower is on, and I hesitate to get in, because I know where my head is and I don't wanna drag ugly lines across my delicate skin. The … Continue reading Why Am I Like This?
Tag: toxicity
Cherry Red
Cherry red lines lined along porcelain. Glides over delicate, leaves a stain. The internal is external now. The body betrayed, mind asks how. A two year hiatus thrown away. But she was doing okay. (She wasn’t doing okay.)
Commitment Issues
Maybe I don't have a fear of commitment, but a fear of committing to the wrong one instead. I'd give everything I have to someone if I knew they truly meant what they said.
More Than A Word
We spend so much time placing emphasis on how "Sorry" is an action and not just a word. For the record, the phrase "Thank you" is an action, too.
Cracked Foundation
She wanted to see the good in you, so she went to work building a foundation for love and the future you promised her. She noticed when you set your tools down and left her to do all the work on her own, but she made excuses for your behavior. When you set fires to … Continue reading Cracked Foundation
Monster (Not Man)
You were too busy yelling to notice how she flinched at your sudden movements and made herself smaller in your presence. She did her best to put you on a pedestal, bow at your feet and sing praises to you, because happy you was how she stayed safe. Did it make you feel good to … Continue reading Monster (Not Man)
Unsaid
The words I've left unsaid because I was too afraid of hurting another's feelings or rocking the boat I was in, slip past my lips, spill into the pitch black of night, and haunt me in my sleep. Oh, how I regret being kind when I should've been honest.
Whirlwind
You were full of highs and lows, and I pretended that I didn't mind, but the truth is you made me dizzy with your constant changes. I was good before I found you. Then you came in like a whirlwind of excitement and sex and pretty words I was so desperate to hear. I ignored … Continue reading Whirlwind
Fraud
I'm standing in a walk-in shower with the water on, just begging every droplet of water to get hotter and sear the trauma off of my fragile, porcelain skin. It doesn't, though. I stare through the curtain of water and steam that's filling the room, but my focus isn't on anything in particular. Instead I'm … Continue reading Fraud
Faithless
I'm mad at God right now. Or maybe He's mad at me, cause its been pretty fucking silent on the other side for quite some time. I got in my car, drove for hours last night, screamed at Him until my voice gave out and then cried out noises that broke my own heart. Why … Continue reading Faithless
Fire & Female 