It's 9 p.m on a breezy summer night when my daughter's bedroom door cracks open and out strolls a tired little girl with streams of salty tears flowing over her rosy cheeks. Her blonde hair mats to her face as she tries to wipe the tears away. She takes a few more steps, makes sure … Continue reading To The Father Who Abandoned His Little Girl (The Mother’s Perspective)
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It’s Late and I’m Up Overthinking Again
It's in the still silence of my empty bedroom that I feel the deepest; convinced I will never be enough for you, despite your reassurances. I'm ready for you to come home.
The Secret I’m Keeping Is Eating at Me (Stuck in Limbo)
I had an hour drive to the hospital today; another day of pokes and prods and tests. I listened to music without lyrics because I thought hearing words might make me cry. I cried regardless. Honestly, life feels stuck in limbo right now. Like it doesn't matter what I say or do; I might not … Continue reading The Secret I’m Keeping Is Eating at Me (Stuck in Limbo)
A lifetime of You Just Isn’t Enough
I wish I'd known you years ago. I wish we'd bumped into each other by chance, gained a few more years of loving each other, before the obstacles that face us today appeared. I always say we met exactly when we were meant to, but it doesn't change the feeling that I need more... time. … Continue reading A lifetime of You Just Isn’t Enough
I’m Just Hoping I’m Jumping To Conclusions…
For as long as I can remember, I have been simultaneously fighting for my life and taking advantage of it all at once. Once, I tried to take my life. Several times I've had to fight others for it. Often I've risked death for the thrill of feeling alive (Ironic, huh?). And now, I'm regretting … Continue reading I’m Just Hoping I’m Jumping To Conclusions…
Aries
Twenty-seven; the year of love. And also the year of change. Uncertainty faces me-- scares me, but then I look at you and breathe. Twenty-seven; the year of love. The year of us.
One Phone Call and Suddenly My Life Is So Fragile
Right now, I'm laying next to a man who has shown me more love in a few months than I've experienced my entire life-- and I'm still fighting back tears. I regret answering the phone and asking the questions I did because this life seems so much shorter now-- and I'm drowning in the fears. … Continue reading One Phone Call and Suddenly My Life Is So Fragile
Sunlit Scars
The decade old scars on my wrist glow in the summer sunlight, and I can't help but think of that night. I was so young, so heartbroken; so sure life was no longer worth living, and I should just give up the fight. Over ten years later and I wish I could go back and … Continue reading Sunlit Scars
The Heat of Chaos
[Repost from September 2nd, 2020] A flashback to the final night. July 2019: I am not okay. I am a total mess back on the floor of a home that has been drenched in lighter fluid and intentionally set on fire. The walls are hot with flame, the linoleum is melting under me, but I … Continue reading The Heat of Chaos
I’ll Love You Until The Sun Dies
I was so hell bent on keeping walls and locking doors, convinced of how my life would and should look, I almost missed out on you. I'm still unsure how you managed to break in, but I will be forever grateful for you and the plot twist you became. Is it cliché to say life … Continue reading I’ll Love You Until The Sun Dies
Fire & Female 