The Nightmare Doesn’t Fucking Stop

I have this recurring nightmare. It's the same dream over and over again. You're no where to be found and after the panic sets in I realize that's how you want it to be. You've left, cut off contact, disappeared. I wake up at the part where I finally get it, only to fall back … Continue reading The Nightmare Doesn’t Fucking Stop →

Opaque

Sometimes I feel like I live in a glass house with opaque walls. From a distance, it's just a blur of whatever this house contains, But come closer and you'll make out what's happening inside. My life is both hidden in plain view and vividly on display. I both hate it and beg for the … Continue reading Opaque →

Love Doesn’t Make Me Forget

Sad doesn't even describe it, when the neat little lines designed to make me feel fail to make me feel anything. Maybe this is depression or maybe just heartbreak. I don't know anymore. All I know is that the words that stung the most left the mouths of those who claim to love me. And … Continue reading Love Doesn’t Make Me Forget →

Honestly

Maybe, just maybe, I am not meant for a world like this; where gravity pulls up my broken pieces, exposes me to the dangers that exist here. Maybe I am too broken to exist.

The Little Voice in My Head Says I’m Losing You

You've been so distant lately, and I'm not sure what to do. You say it's not us, not me, but I don't quite believe you. If you're so happy with me... ...then why do you look so sad? And it's driving me to look; look for the problem, look for answers. I'm only finding things … Continue reading The Little Voice in My Head Says I’m Losing You →

Faulty

I'm wired wrong, but I don't know how to fix the short circuits. I tried to reroute the wires, manage the cables better, install new software, bypass the problem altogether. Still, the connections are not being made and I'm left faulty and fearful. What if I cannot fix the error? Will I be loved? Cherished? … Continue reading Faulty →

Raindrop

I felt the sadness creeping in, tried to distract myself with counting the raindrops falling outside my living room window, but I couldn't find my focus. Have you ever tried to focus on a single raindrop in a thunderstorm? What was meant to be a distraction, became the catalyst for sadness because I realized I … Continue reading Raindrop →

Dashes (Another Day, Another Struggle)

I'm really struggling and I don't know why. Wait a minute. That's a lie. I know exactly what's been weighing me down. I'm just not sure how to talk about it-- or if I really want to. I tried to reach out to loved ones yesterday, when my mind felt manic and my chest physically … Continue reading Dashes (Another Day, Another Struggle) →

One Phone Call and Suddenly My Life Is So Fragile

Right now, I'm laying next to a man who has shown me more love in a few months than I've experienced my entire life-- and I'm still fighting back tears. I regret answering the phone and asking the questions I did because this life seems so much shorter now-- and I'm drowning in the fears. … Continue reading One Phone Call and Suddenly My Life Is So Fragile →

A Poetic Take on Catastrophic Thinking

You're failing, a failure, pull yourself together. Take the scissors, place between heart and head; cut the fucking tether. A mess, no dress, just a void within the shell. You act fine, but sins like that earn you spaces inside hell. What's wrong with you? Stop thinking like that! If you fuck this up, they'll … Continue reading A Poetic Take on Catastrophic Thinking →